"Strict tease and denial… sensuous, controlling cock tease…
All by a hot ass dominatrix who will drive you insane - Orgasm Denial"
As someone who plays no character or role when it comes to female domination and my dominant nature… who is very consistent in her outlook, behavior and basic approach when dealing with others and her world… and who has been very heavily involved with the BDSM "community/scene" for years (to an even far greater degree than I have detailed here so far, or in the future will), and for that matter also, Domination Phone Sex (as another way to enjoy my interests)… I do at times find it damn annoying to see "domination" and/or "submission" taken to primarily mean a category someone is casually choosing in order to "get off". I don't mean people who enjoy themselves through casual BDSM play… I mean the respective concepts being watered down into being seen mostly as terms in sex games.
Now, earlier I was speaking primarily of people taking their role-play definitions more seriously than they should - people thinking that because they play a dominant and like it, that they are dominant by nature. But now I am getting into the actual BDSM community itself and what happens within it.
Sexual domination isn't the same thing as a dominant personality, and I accept that when I step into the circle of the former, regardless of the truth of my personality, I am within a primarily sexual setting, and thus all definitions within it are going to be driven by that focus. As stated, I don't really care for the word overlap, but the reasons for use are obvious enough, and I have no problem with honest people enjoying themselves within their place (or for that matter, me enjoy those people thoroughly when I get my hands on them ~laughs~). The problem is that with the flood of part-time-dominants that have arrived with the Internet, quantity has eclipsed quality in too many ways, resulting in, amongst other things, people thinking much more of their "place" than they ever should… and worse.
I know I am right in saying so not simply because it's my opinion, but because I have far greater claim to "dominant" and with it "dominatrix" than the majority. That will seem like an arrogant statement to many, and I hope it does - dominant individuals usually do see themselves as better than those around them, whether it be something they admit, or just sub-consciously know to be true and are guided by accordingly. This is part of why there is this annoyance within me (and others like myself) at seeing someone grab up a cheap leather toy and say "hey, I'm one of you", regardless of what the environment is… especially when its nothing at all sexual.
This fundamental annoyance though, is simple and passing… something tolerable due to circumstance, if not overly welcome… and something not thrown at those players who have good intentions, at least not in that nasty a way ~grinz~. If it stopped there it wouldn't be that big a deal. But the greater problem comes in two forms - first, the overall effect on the environment of the BDSM community, both in terms of atmosphere and prevailing behaviors… and secondly, the deceptions that are then nurtured within this environment… deceptions sometimes followed by injuries… later resulting in aspersions cast on us all.
I get sick of all the fakes, the false claims of lifestyle, subbie brats, and predators (the latter I'm not going to get into, but suffice it to say - open your eyes people… there is scum everywhere and BDSM is obviously primed to attract more than its fair share of human waste)… all of us do, even those who don't realize they fall into that mix themselves ~laughs~. But what's worse, is that since these types outnumber the more serious lifestylers and the honest players, the moron-majority ends up impacting the overall definitions and expectations within the BDSM community and also without.
It's that more than anything… the blatant absurdity that is constantly apparent in the community…. the rampant contradiction, that so poisons the actions and roles people claim to be the "truth of their souls"… and how glaring these things are to someone like myself, strikingly so, to a point beyond mere distraction, but straight into disgust.
I also know that many of you… regardless of if you claim this as a lifestyle or just a form of sexual fetish you from time to time enjoy… understand what I am saying to at least some degree (even if I‘ve not gone into great detail as to particulars), so I don't need to get into a long winded rant of the sort that's been done so often before by others. You've all run into bullshit at one time or another in this mix, regardless of how involved you are. No one likes having their time wasted by wastes of life… and even less people like having the taint of those wastes shadow them due to how common the garbage has become.
I want to instead give a general example of what I mean… but I am going to wait to do so until after the next part (which I had to break into two posts since it ran long ~sticks out forked tongue~).
BDSM Phone Sex - 1-800-356-6169
Continued in Part XXX - Lifestyle Dominatrix
"Men with a true taste for beauty, understand the perfection that is the female form…
And the most intelligent of those men… know how to appretiate it - Female Body Worship"
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Domina Amanda,
I am one who has only been a submissive on the phone, but would someday like get more involved or venture into the D/s community. From what I’ve read, the best way to begin to do this is to attend a munch, be extremely polite, listen, absorb, and hopefully get to meet people. Any other advice? (Thank You in advance.)
Happy, while a munch is probably the best way to meet people you may need to give it some time. As I am sure you already know there are many male submissives out there and few female dominants. When I attend a munch I am literally surrounded by male submissives and as a newbie it may seem like you don’t stand a chance. Be patient, listen, learn is all good advice.
I don’t know where you live but joining a group like TES, the society of Janus or even a smaller local BDSM group might be another way to meet people. Collarme.com is a free BDSM personals site and a very good resource in trying to find local kinky friends. Check it out, create a profile, chat with the people there, post on their forums and you might find out about other local BDSM events as well. Going to a dungeon can be fun but you may not want to go alone and some require you to be with a partner (if not to get in than to access certain areas). Other events like FSF, TESfest, Black Rose etc. are a ton of fun, you meet a lot of great people and can learn a lot of new things there too.
Munches honestly arent the be all end all of things BDSM. I know they get pushed a lot but honestly, some are better than others. I suggest looking for a local group, even if its a play group, online groups and forums, Collarme.com and checking out dungeons and other lifestyle events.
And of course, remember to always keep things SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual)
Something more…
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It’s standard, and very appropriate to say that one should always behave in a sensible, responsible manner, taking that approach to anything within this community.
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The particulars of many fetishes make it very easy to get hurt if the people involved either do not know what they are doing, or simply get carried away due to excitement and lack of experience. So whatever it is that you enjoy, always keep a sensible perspective on what you are doing, and who you are going to do it with.
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Being a submissive doesn’t mean you have to submit to everyone. I firmly believe that a submissive should be respectful and carry himself in a way that clearly fits what he claims to be… but being respectful and being stupid aren’t the same thing. You don’t have to obey ridiculous commands from people you barely know in order to “prove yourself”… nor would any dominant worth shit behave in such an irresponsible manner as to command you to do things that are flat out stupid (at the very least, respecting legal consequences). Be respectful, even deferential towards “your betters”… after all, you are a submissive and want to experience that more… but you can say “no” in a respectful way, and should if you have heavy doubts or don’t want what another is pushing you into. “Consensual” has the definition it does for good reason.
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Safety in terms of keeping perspective and focus in what you get involved in and who with… and then also safety in terms of the simple, sad fact that this community does attract not just liars but also predators - and I don’t at all mean predators of the sexy oh-so-female dominant sort like myself ~grinz~… I mean the human waste that land you in a hospital or jail. So watch what you are doing, especially at the start. Gaining experience isn’t just a matter of “learning the ropes”, so to speak, but also learning the signs and differences when it comes to the sort of people you want to involved with, and the kind to stay away from.
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Take it slow when you start out. Don’t just jump into anything, no matter how “perfect” it may sound to you initially. Think of when you were young and first chasing girls… the stupid things everyone does when they first start dating as teenagers. Its normal to “rush into things”… people find themselves thinking they are “hopelessly in love” when they don’t even know what love is yet… and two weeks later when they breakup they think they will never love another person again. Its almost the same thing here. Often when people first get involved with BDSM on a community level, they are so excited over finally taking that step into what they have so long dreamed of that they want to do everything immediately… and when they find that first someone who seems interested in the same as them, they think they have to do anything to get and keep that chance… as if there won’t be dozens of others right around the corner. That’s why I say keep a sensible perspective, and mean it as applies to all situations.
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When you first get involved with a group… do as you would with anything you are thinking of joining, purchasing, moving into, etc. See what it is like, ask respectful questions… find out who is in charge, introduce yourself, see what they are like. If the people at the top are idiots or jerks, that right away tells you a lot about the group itself. Find out any history you can… how long the groups been around, past problems they may have had with people (be subtle in approach on that one). Stay away from alcohol early on… many munches won’t serve as it is, but if one does that isn’t necessarily a bad sign, just don’t partake early on so you can listen and learn with as clear a mind as possible.
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Before you take that full step “in real life”… read more Online. You’ll find a lot of stupid shit, mixed in with solid material… as you read both you’ll start to see clearly the difference between the two… and that will only help towards seeing the difference between the two when you are face-to-face with it in living form. No matter how good a judge of character you may already be, different settings/genres carry with them different conditions that impact perception. Less familiar one is, the less one knows those telling signs. Take every chance from every opportunity (no matter how simple) to become more familiar with what you feel drawn to. At worst you’ll spend time reading something that is interesting to you.
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Things like Domination Phone Sex are beneficial not just in terms of enjoyment… but in mentally exploring things that interest (not just sexual fantasies, but even general related topics) you with another person. The interaction can help you learn more about yourself, your wants within the given fetish, turn-ons, turn-offs (though these can change greatly when really “doing” something face-to-face), the perspective of the other person and what they get out of it, even more of an idea of the type of person that is right for you, at least to some degree… all sorts of things, if you are observant while you are enjoying yourself.
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Chat groups and forums too… the exchange of ideas… questions asked and answered… etc., so long as the people there have a clue, and the place has activity enough to support itself in a lively way. More active places give a better chance of a variety of perspectives, but then also they come with a higher rate of flamers (people who want to get into fights on boards), idiots, and every other type of board troll. Again…like I said before about keeping perspective and working your way through what you come into contact with - the good and the crap - the same holds true in a chat group or for that matter anywhere else. And the more you deal with the shit the better you get at dealing with and recognizing it.
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That’s a start… good luck… ask more if you want to…. might be a few days to respond but I will share what I can.